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Sex/daily life with UC diagnoses loved one


Sat, January 11, 2020 4:15 PM

I have been with my partner for two years now and she has UC and gets infusions every 6 weeks. When we started dating our sex life was pretty good. I mean we couldn't really have sex but still were very sexual. The last year has plummeted and I am a VERY sexual person that needs to get the energy out especially when I'm with someone I love like this. The last times we tried to have sex I could barley put in the tip and a little more. I love her for trying I am just frustrated all the time and irritated about the situation and how I cannot express myself as I need to and want to. I feel I sound selfish because of this and I hate it but I do also have needs and desires. I was wondering if there are other people out there that have similar problems with their loved ones? Or women with this, that know ways around it so to speak?

FPO Anonymous22
Joined Jan 11, 2020

Thu, October 26, 2023 12:26 AM

Reply posted for Anonymous22.

I empathize with your situation, and it's important to acknowledge your feelings and desires. Many people in relationships with partners facing health challenges, including UC, find themselves grappling with similar frustrations. Open communication with your partner about your needs, desires, and emotions is crucial. Seeking the support of a therapist or counselor specializing in relationships and intimacy might help both of you navigate these challenges together. Regarding the contrast between cybersecurity and information technology, it's akin to understanding the difference between a PC hardware (IT) and the measures in place to protect it from digital threats (cybersecurity). Both are interconnected yet distinct facets of the digital landscape, much like the complexities of relationships and intimacy.

FPO cobybrian
Joined Oct 25, 2023

Sun, March 22, 2020 7:36 PM

Reply posted for Anonymous22.

We are a fairly active couple as well and I have been managing symptoms through tracking diet and making many major changes to what I eat, as well as some meds (budesonide - not sure if it's helping but it's not getting worse, so that's something.)

I would strongly reccomend, if she isn't already, trying to see if she can keep track of what she eats and perhaps limit foods to some basic stuff (mushed carrots/chicken worked for me when I was really bad) and adding one thing at a time every few days to track symptoms to see if certain things make her abdominal symptoms work.  It certainly helped me.

Second to that, I find my biggest inhibitor to sex is being exhausted -- is she getting enough sleep?  It may help to try and get more sleep, or try to initiate sex earlier in the evening before you're both actually tired and ready for bed.  Works for us!  There are times it is somewhat uncomfortable but that usually coincides fairly well with trying a food that's a little too 'advanced' for me at this stage of healing -- although I am on a very strict diet right now and potentially forever, since it seems to be working gradually.  (SCD).

FPO Oliverian
Joined Mar 22, 2020

Sun, March 01, 2020 3:38 PM

Reply posted for Filomena2020.

Hi... I have Crohn’s and feel for you and for your partner. I think what we have to remember is the physiology of that area of our bodies.. it is all interconnected, so stimulation
though pleasurable at the time, can easily cause pain and distress shortly thereafter. Also the unpredictability of symptoms can make spontaneity problematic. My partner has been so very understanding and patient about letting me initiate when and how to be intimate. I was diagnosed just over a year ago so needless to say it has been a frustrating journey, especially since prior to my issues,  we had been very active. It however is a journey we are taking together. I can get very emotional about not feeling that I can satisfy my man but he has stuck by me. He has done a lot of work trying to understand my disease and has attended seminars with me, comes with me to infusions and stays on top of me about over extending myself. You are well on your way by reaching out on this site and asking for advice and I commend you. 

FPO Filomena2020
Joined Mar 1, 2020

Thu, January 23, 2020 6:23 PM

Reply posted for Anonymous22.

Not to beat a dead horse, but I am assuming there is plenty of fore play going on to-get her in the mood?

FPO charbs
Joined Oct 31, 2016

Thu, January 23, 2020 11:19 AM

Reply posted for Jwechsler.

Hi there. I'm actually relieved at the timing of your post. I came on today to search for the same issue. I am a female sufferer of UC for 15 years, basically half my life and I too am a sexual person. I had my worst flare back in 2018 that lasted over a year, with my boyfriend at the time of 3 years and we're now going on 5 together. He's the best most understanding person when it comes to my illness. We started out with an entirely normal sex life until this point, though. 


To shed light on your girlfriend's issue, when my flare was very bad it posed a lot of uncomfortable, 'un-sexual' issues. It can make a woman very, very self conscious. This is me speaking from personal experience, but usually whenever we would try I was more concerned with having an "accident" which would definitely make my libido plummet. Did I actually have an accident? No. But the anxieties that came with it hindered us from being intimate, and I admit it rubbed off on him. So we fell into a habit of not trying.

Simply put, I got in our heads instead of just trying to work through it. I did not have the sensitivity issue with penetration that you're describing ...I was moreso "embarrassed" by my physical situation. And so, similar to you, our sex life has been close to non existent since...so things have happened only a few times in the last two years. I suggest asking your gf about this. We're also considering a sex therapist. Hope this helps even a little bit for you!

FPO jwuc526
Joined Jan 23, 2020

Sun, January 12, 2020 4:51 PM

Reply posted for Anonymous22.

I’m a guy, not a gal so no expert in this area, but I had UC for years, and read up on the disease extensively, and I never read anything about it affecting sexual activities.  That said, UC affects everyone differently. It certainly might affect her desire, but if you can’t stick it in, I think you need to make an appointment with her gynecologist because it sounds like something else could be wrong.

FPO charbs
Joined Oct 31, 2016

Sun, January 12, 2020 12:04 PM

Reply posted for charbs.

We didn't have sex but we're more sexually driven. We have only been able to have sex 6 times in two years and nothing very "active" if you understand. She has inflammation which prevents me from really being able to do much I guess. Idk I have heard there is also loss of sex drive as well. I'm just wondering if anyone else has had these issues with their partner or if any women have felt like this. It's just really hard, I try to be understanding because I love her and I read about things all of the time. However I don't really hear much about the sex life part, and idk if that is because it is a sensitive subject or what. 

FPO Anonymous22
Joined Jan 11, 2020

Sun, January 12, 2020 10:28 AM

Reply posted for Anonymous22.

Wait, at first your sex life was pretty good even though you couldn’t actually have sex?  What about UC precludes you two from having sex.

FPO charbs
Joined Oct 31, 2016

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