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Caring for someone, fairly new relationship?


Thu, June 27, 2019 8:28 AM

Hi, hope it’s ok to ask this here. I know I’m not the one with the issue and I feel so selfish for thinking like this but I can’t help it.

So context, met my current girlfriend at the beginning of this year. I’ve never gotten on with anyone this well in my life before. We click, laugh, connect and really love each other. She told me she had Crohns after our first date, and it didn’t bother me or put me off. But the more time goes on, it’s getting to me more and more. Not because I think less of her because of it, of course I don’t. I don’t blame her for it either. I’m just more worried about how to do this? I don’t know how to look after someone in this way, and I just wasn’t mentally prepared for all the fear running round in my mind. She also has PKD, and is allergic to most anti-inflammatories, which seems like the worst possible combinations. I’ve had some issues with anxiety and over thinking which I mostly had under control and regained my life in certain areas, but I can feel it all creeping back in. Again, I know this isn’t anyone’s fault as such. But if we’re going to live together one day, how is that going to work? Can we have children together, what happens if I have to be at work and can’t look after her one day?

I sort of feel like I’m stuck here now. I’m either leaving myself open to a whole lifetime of fear and anxiety that may never go away, or I’m going to hate myself forever for not being good enough to deal with it.

I really don’t know how to process this. Has anyone else been through this? Cause I really don’t have a clue what to do.

FPO akh
Joined Jun 28, 2019

Thu, June 27, 2019 1:04 PM

Reply posted for akennedy.

It appears the center of the whole problem is you.  You list nothing specific about her Crohn’s disease that is affecting you, yet you are eaten up with anxiety about  how it will. I think she would be better off without you, and vice versa. You need therapy for your anxieties, and perhaps medication.  If you stay on your current path the anxieties will eat you up. How will you respond to a serious flare? What if she needs surgery, or several? Could you deal with That?

FPO charbs
Joined Oct 31, 2016

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