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Sanity and Sadness


Sun, June 22, 2008 12:00 AM

I was diagnosed w/ Crohn's Disease in 1990 i had surgery to remove some ulceractions from my ileum, cecum and my appendix. iN 2004, I contracted what my Medical doctor thought was Lyme Disease. He still feels this is what I have, even though all the tests have been negative. I was hospitalized and given IV antibiotic treatment for 4 days and sent home. To this day, more pain. Over time I had problems with digestion problems, nausea, unbelievable gut pain, joint pain, terrible fatigue and at times, having to use the bathroom alot.  Plus I had  GYN problems which showed, a recovaginal fistula. My doctors at Johns Hopkins found the fistula during surgery. my problems persisted and a colonoscopy showed major ulcerations and polyps at my old surgical site, plus, the drainage from the rectovaginal fistula returned. They suggested performing a  temporary ileostomy to basically reroute the bad area in my ileum to give it time to "heal, plus redo the rectovaginal fistula repair and give it time to heal, plus a complete hysterectomy.I feel since these surgeries  I  have not been the same human being. I swear there are sometimes I want to die. But how could i say this when we just had our first Grandchild. I know I need help, actually I've been on antidepressants for a long time, but I feel a low, so low right now and I don't really even know why! I understand I need to see a Psychiatrist to help me find the right mix of meds and therapy. Has anyone tried to make a new appt. w/ a psychiatrist? It takes WEEKS. So, on July 21 I see a psy. But, in the meantime I think I need more help. I don't want to be a burden on my dear husband of 28 years. I think he is as emotionally tired as I am. He can't fix me... I need to fix me as well as the docs. He is as tired as I am of my emotional ups and downs. Any suggestions?

 

 

FPO jg3393
Joined Jun 22, 2008

Fri, June 27, 2008 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for dianna.

I also wonder if you have local support groups that you could look into? Some hospitals offer these, it could be a "living with a chronic illness" group or something. I do not go to church, but I also know that a lot of people get a great deal of support from the church community as well. People can help you with preparing and freezing meals for days that you don't feel like cooking, or they can help you with daily tasks that you may have trouble with.  Remind yourself that it is ok to ask for help from others. Please keep us posted.

FPO dianna
Joined Jun 27, 2008

Fri, June 27, 2008 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for jg3393.

Hi, I am so sorry that you are going through this. Do you have a counselor or a therapist you can talk to, while waiting to go see the psychiatrist? Also, maybe you could call the doctor's office and explain the situation and  ask if you could be seen sooner since you have been dealing with this for a long period of time and you need help asap.
My personal experience with depression, I know now that it does get better, it may be tomorrow or next week. But, with help and the right mix of medications, you will get better. I hope you hang in there, and try to take care of yourself. Hugs to you. Hang in there.

FPO dianna
Joined Jun 27, 2008

Sun, June 22, 2008 12:00 AM

 Reply posted for jg3393.

I hear you....I have had times when I have been very depressed as well.  Sometimes having this disease and having to deal with it all while also looking after your family takes it toll.  Especially when we have always been the caregivers and now we need the care.  I have an Employee Assistant program through my job that offers emergency counceling. I have used this service a few times - when I'm really feeling in the dumps.  Sometimes it just helps to talk it out with a neutral party.  If you can't get appt right away, try calling an Emergency Hot Line.  You may just need to vent it all out and have a good cry, that's what I've done. I know my husband tries to help too - but he doesn't really undertand and they just want to fix you and they can't so they get frustrated.  I'm a Nana too and I hate it when I have to tell the girls - Nana's tummy is upset right now.  Please know that you are not alone !!  Please take care and get yourself better.  I also find that if I can go out for a walk it helps me too !!

 

FPO nana
Joined Jun 12, 2008

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