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Hello there, it's the first time I visit this website and I loved it.  I am feeling alone, depressed and angry because of my UC.  I have an 8 weeks old baby girl, I love her so much, I stopped taking my Asacol on the day she was born bc I wanted to breastfeed (and I did) but after 1 month I had a terrible flare-up.  Now I had to take my medication again and stop the breastfeeding, I feel terrible bc of that and I believe I'm going to die and leave my baby alone in this world... maybe it's postpartun depression, I don't know... I mean, I'm happy with my baby, husband and my life but this flare up has been the worse ever (I got the diagnostic on 2004).  Many times I have to leave my baby crying on her crib bc I have to run, literally 'run' to the restroom... sometimes I can't even get to the restroom on time bc I'm in the middle of a diaper change or a feeding and I can't leave her alone so fast.

Anyway, I'm concerned about my future, does any of you know if this will lead to cancer? I'm scared to dead.  Right now I'm with Asacol and Rowasa at night but apparently it's not doing anything, I might have to take something stronger and I'm afraid about the side effects.

Sorry I took too long.  Good luck to all of you!

 Reply posted for jessycordero.

Thank you for sharing your feelings and what it has been like for you after your baby was born. I'm 6 wks pregnant with UC and have already be thinking about going off Asacol to breast feed. I have finally become OK with the fact that I have to take medication while pregnant. The thought of being sick right when the baby comes home, while the new life adjustments are in full swing seems overwhelming. Even though I'm feeling like my story will match yours in eight/nine months, I'm glad to here you gave breast feeding a try. From your story, I'm going to prepare myself for the worst and hope for the best.

 Reply posted for jessycordero.

Hello there, I hope you're a bit better by now. A new baby is such a joy, but not when you're feeling so terrible. I have three children and was able to breastfeed only two of them. You gave it a good try and the benefits your baby recieved were worth it. Now, you have to take care of yourself, so that you can be the best possible for your baby. I've had the disease for twenty years and the one thing I've learned is to listen to the little voice in the back of my head. If it's saying "maybe I should revisit my treatment plan with my doc" or "this isn't working, something has to change" - then I should see my doctor pronto. It may or may not mean more aggressive drugs, but it will more than likely improve your situation.

I agree, a bit of strategic planning will go a long way. Having a safe place to tuck the baby in a hurry (you may need a couple) will make you feel better. And it is very ok to let the baby cry a little. You're not being a bad mom!  Hang in there --- sounds like you already have the makings of a great mom!

 Reply posted for jessycordero.

Just sending a big hug to you.  Dealing with UC and a new baby is no fun.  I had a baby four years ago and I was also on asacol.  I chose not to breastfeed because I knew that the asacol was present in the breastmilk and even thought the doctors felt there would be no problem, the lactation consultant found information that stated the it should only be done if the benefits outweigh the risks.  My hubby and I determined that there was no way to know what the drug could do to our baby since there are no long term studies.  I am very sad that I did not breastfeed and still think about what I could have or should have done.  But, I think if I would have breastfed and been on the drug I also would have wondered if it would have ever harmed him. 

I certainly hope your flareup gets better soon.  Please hang in there.  The emotions we have after having a baby are very strong and you will get through this.  Please talk to your doctor if you are still having problems. You might need some stronger meds to help you get through the flare up.   Please take care.

 Reply posted for jessycordero.

I love you so much for writing this and being honest about how you are feeling.  I think in our situation the feeling is normal, however, it is one of those things that we can not let take control of our thoughts.  I think when we are doing fine, we sometimes forget how hard it is when we have a flare.  I was in remission for about a year before I became pregnant, and it was great.  While I was pregnant, I could not take any meds for my Crohn's so things went downhill from there.  I gave birth to twins in August of 2007 and I am just now getting back on track.  There have been times when I could not do anything for them.  they would cry and I just was unable to move to get to them.  Now that they are older, it really gets to me.  There have been times were I am so tired that I have to lay on the floor while they play because I can not run around with them, but I want to be apart of the moment.  I have been in the hospital twice since they were born, the first time they were younger and they did not come to see me, but the last time, they had already turned one and when they came to see me I was happy to see them, but I felt like the worst mother in the world.  I felt it was so unfair to make them see me like that.  I started to think, "what if this is going to be their life, coming to the hospital to see mom see gets sick."  I kept thinking what if I die and they are left to deal with that. You know, I have to realize that God knows best and that things will get better.  They have started to get back on track for me and I know it will work out for you.  You just have to know that you are doing your best and that you can not focus on the bad but focus on how great of a mom you are  

 Reply posted for spunkyfiregirl.

Thank you for taking the time to read my message and sending me this reply, you did make me feel better, I'm afraid I'm going to die and leave my baby alone and you're right, I mean, even the most healthy mother in the world can have a car accident and leave the baby alone.

I don't know, I know I have to stop thinking that way, it's hard to do (especially now with all the baby blues) but somehow I'll have to do it.

Good luck to you, take care and if you want to concieve a baby, do it while you're on remission, that's the way I did it and my pregnancy was awesome, no flare-ups no sympthoms, nothing.  Take care.

 Reply posted for jessycordero.

Having a baby causes it's own stresses... A lot of new mom's get stressed taking a shower alone when it is just her and the baby... But some how it gets done.

I know how the sudden need to go to the bathroom just comes up... dont know how my idea will work but it might be worth a try...

Come up with a back-up plan... a bail out plan... like when you are changing the baby and you have an urge... what can you do to get both jobs done... maybe you could try to go potty before you change the baby. or maybe have a cloth diaper or blanket that you can wrap around the baby while you swaddle and run to the bathroom. and have a spot near the bathroom that you can leave the baby safely while you get done.

While you are feeding the baby, take a little break let the baby cry and go take care of your self... a few seconds of crying vs. cleaning up yourself.

I really hope that when I have my babies that my flareups are undercontrol but I am not seeing it happen..

As for the fear of dying... I know that all the people in the world can tell you not to worry about it but it doesnt make it any easier. And counting your blessings is not always easy when you dont feel good. But maybe if you face reality of how likely it is that you will die... people are far more likely to die of heart diesease or car accident than Crohns or Colitis.

I know it is hard... today i am feeling good... I hope you are feeling better soon...