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Venting

Thu, March 21, 2019 8:53 PM

*Please ignore if you are sensitive or dont like harsh language or reality * So i'd like a place to be real, yet semi unanimous, and state how i really feel, how this disease makes me feel, everyday. 1st off I'm ashamed. Ashamed of my symptoms, ashamed that because of these symptoms i cant keep up with my peers, ashamed that if i do have symptoms around others I deny it and leave or make a joke. Dont get me wrong; despite being diagnosed with severe crohn's dx at 11 yo and now being almost 40yo, I have thrived. I am very successful in my family life and my career. But im SO pissed off! Why did i have to work 5x harder than everyone else? Why was I ashamed of my dx when my friend with diabetes was not? Why did my world, my family, my friends, myself make me so ashamed of who i am? Im still ashamed, im still lying to my doctor, saying im fine. Im still "hanging in there," why? Because im strong... No, because I'm weak.

Idontcare
Joined Mar 21, 2019

Mon, April 01, 2019 11:20 PM

Reply posted for Idontcare.

Hey,
i joined this forum today as I am feeling exactly as you are and wanted to find someone else who could relate so I didn’t feel so isolated.
I’m not necessarily ashamed, but I am angry.
I hate that I am tired all the time, that I can’t go grocery shopping without making at least 2 stops in the awful public washrooms, that I have pain more often than not and that getting up for work every morning takes so much energy.
I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you’re not alone.
I have been dealing with active Crohns since 2013 and am in remission - which seems like a joke to me as the pain and diarrhea is debilitating 95% of the time.
I allow myself to have a pity party every once in a while, but try not to let it last for too long and talking about it helps.
Anything specific going on that bothers you the most?

For me, it’s the bathrooms at my work. I work for a large company and the bathrooms have zero privacy. I hate having to try and be quiet when I know it’s going to be explosive, and then waiting for whomever is also in the bathroom to leave so that I can sneak out and hope they don’t know it was me.
It wouldnt be so bad if it was just a one time thing, but of course this happens 6-8 times in a work day for me :-/

Ablanch99
Joined Apr 1, 2019

Fri, March 22, 2019 3:18 PM

Reply posted for Idontcare.

You need to get some therapy. I had ulcerative colitis, a colostomy, which failed me everywhere but the communion line at church (and that only by five minutes) and I now have Crohn’s disease. I’ve been embarrassed occasionally but never ashamed. I’ve always been able to appreciate that others have it a lot worse than I do. I’ve often had to sit in the hospital lobby waiting for my treatment. I’ll watch patients go by and see so many who are in bad shape. Once I saw a guy I recognized from church. He was about six foot five, but now as he was wheeled thru the hospital lobby I saw both his legs had been amputated.

Sometime later, I was in the hospital for a different medical issue and my nurse was going thru my list of ailments and she commented I really had been thru a lot. I mentioned the guy I had seen in the lobby as having it way worse than I did. The nurse said “I think that’s my husband!” It was! He was severely diabetic and ended up dying three months later. It made me grateful for what health I do have.

charbs
Joined Oct 31, 2016

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