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Depression during flare up AND remission

Thu, May 25, 2017 12:37 AM

I am reaching out to ANYBODY who is experiencing what I am right now. I was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis at age 9 and I am now 25. I have experienced flare ups that cause so much pain and all I do is beg for them to be over, no matter what it takes. My most recent flare up was a few years ago- I tried Remicade and had an allergic reaction. I tried Humira and after a few months, it stopped working. I started Imuran but it takes a while to start working - in the meantime, I couldn't handle the pain so I scheduled an appointment with a surgeon to remove my colon. I was under 100 pounds, I wasn't eating anything and I could barely stand longer than 5 minutes at a time. My doctor was pressuring me to get a feeding tube. Out of nowhere, the Imuran started to work. It was a miracle!! I experienced months and months of pure happiness and health.

now, I have stopped my Imuran because I feel the immunosuppressant has been really killing my immune system. But also, part of me is pissed that my colon is even still in me because I have heard that more than likely, I will still need the surgery at
some point. I don't know how true this is so I came on here to reach out.

lastly, my disease has caused me to have a severely awful body image of myself that i deal with every single day. I have reached a point where I do not think I'll ever feel "normal" again until I am sick again. It's such a twisted and terrible feeling because being sick with Colitis is such torment. I don't really know who I can talk to about this that can relate in any way. But I am suffering while not suffering.

Wjohnson730
Joined May 25, 2017

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