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Hey everyone. I just joined these forums a few minutes ago. I was diagnosed with Crohn's just last November, and since I began taking medication on a regular basis, it hasn't been so bad. I've managed to get back on track with school and my job, and I've even found a special guy with whom I've gotten close to the past two months, despite occasional setbacks with mini-flare ups. 

He and I have come to that inevitable stage of the relationship when things start to turn more intimate, and every now and then when I have too much time to think I start to have a mental meltdown, worrying like crazy that at a most inconvenient time (use your imagination ) I'm going to need to run to the bathroom. I haven't told Special Guy about my disease. Not in detail anyway. He knows I was in the hospital a few times last summer, and that I've had surgery, but as far as he's concerned, I had just an appendectomy.

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

I certainly feel your pain. I guess it's a little different being a guy, but I spent my late teens and early 20s worried that I would never find someone who would want to be with me because of this disease. Not just in a physical way, but more in a life-long committment way. I took the leap of faith and  trusted that the women I dated would understand my anxiety and not run for the hills because I'm 'defective' or 'broken' or in anyway less than a perfect partner.

I have been living with Crohn's since I was 17. For me the fear of intimacy was not so much about ruining the moment but of having to admit to her that I was not normal. And as we all know, explaining it involves such taboo and embarrassing revelation it's sure to turn anyone off... or so I thought.

When I finally met the 'right' girl in grad school, she had no problems with my disease. She is now my wife of 4+ years. She's more understanding than I can describe, always taking my disease and the concessions I require into consideration when we make plans, and while she doesn't quite get the degree to which the anxiety and other issues hit me, I am incredibly lucky with how great she is.

I guess the moral here is what other posters have said: if he loves you, he won't mind a few chinks in the armor. The best way to get past your anxiety over intimacy is to share it with him and know that he's ok with it. It may even bring you closer together. It certainly did for me.

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

your deff not alone !!! i just sit n cry sometimes because colitis just runins my sex drive .. i am only 22 but having constant stomach pain n feeling sick then useing the rest room alot really sucks ...i just wanna b noramal lol.

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

First of all, I think that you should tell that special person what you have and make sure that he understands what it is and how you control it...Then if he loves you and is the one for you then he should understand if you should happen to need to leave what you are doing and go to the restroom...Then come back and finish what you started...If he truely loves you then he should understand...Believe me, I have been there, and my husband understood...His problem is that he can't understand all the pills and the naseua all the time...Hope this helps...God Bless

 Reply posted for scemde.

what is anal fissures? is that the same thing as hemmoriods?...cus i did have something simular when i first was diagnosed 2 yrs ago..and it does hurt!

AnnaMarie

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

Good & Bad

I  found out that I had Crohn's 2 months after I was married. I had been having problems such  as vomitting alot & upset stomach & pains. i just passed it off as nerves. I was about to graduate from college,working part-time and planning a wedding then moving. So to make a long storey short, I did not have a very supportive husband. Oh he was there when I felt ok for sex but when I was flaring well he found another to have sex with. So with a broken heart & a flarring stomach, I moved on and survived.

THEN

I met my hubby now! As we starting dating he did notice meds that I took and certain foods that I didn't eat. We sat down and had a talk & luckey for me he had a co-worker that also had this. So everything fell into place. We have been married for almost three years and I couldn't have asked for a better person.He goes to almost every appt with me, he gets onto me when I don't eat right. He's there when I don't feel good. And when I get that certain look he knows to move out of the way because I'm heading to the bathroom.LOL

Be upfront and honest and everything will fall into place.

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

I am 25F and was diagnosed when I was 22. The only thing I can say about being intimate is 1. well before things start to get intimate make sure you dont eat spicy foods, eggs, fish, fried food, or any other food that is know to cause you gas  (yeah, use you imagination with how wrong that one could go in more ways than one...) 2. RELAX!! try not to stress about being intimate as we all know how stress affects our delicate pooping cycle.  3. If you are at the intimacy point you are above and beyond the "talking about personal stuff" point....just remember that the right one will love you no matter how many times he has to pull over for you to poop

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

I also have Crohns disease and I'm 19 and I've been in a relationship for 4 years with the same guy. When I first found out about the crohns disease I was alittle embarassed to tell him but then I realized I was being stupid. You could just tell him alittle about crohns and everday life first of all so he kind of understands instead of telling him everything all at once. Its nothing to be embarassed about because you can't help that you have a disease. I've learned to know where the bathrooms are at in a lot of places and Jake (my boyfriend) totally understands that lol. I'm sure whenever you are ready to be intimate it won't even cross your mind bc you'll be so excited or nervous (it didn't even cross my mind haha) I hope this helps!! :)

 Reply posted for keepinpositiv.

Thanks so much, to both of you. Its good to know Im not alone :)

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

Hey Innuendogirl, I saw the reply from "scemde" and I would have to agree completely.  But, if it will help you any I ll just add:

Ive had UC for 11 years, been married to the same person for almost 26, so my situation is different than yours.  My husband is wonderful when it comes to dealing with my illness (and of course lots of others aspects of life, too).    There are times when I know Ive neglected him (use your imagination), because I feel so rotten from the UC, but again, he is completely understanding.  I am very blessed to have him in my life.

When the time is right for YOU, be it now or sometime later, and only you will know when, you probably should educate your guy all about Crohns and what to expect; good days, bad days, your concerns about intimacy, occasional depression, etc.  This may sound "cliche", but if he is the right guy for you, he will make every effort to understand what you are dealing with, help you deal with it, love you and accept you for who you are.

Keep in mind that it is difficult for people in general to understand that you are in pain and discomfort when they dont see any outward signs of pain/discomfort.   (You know, like they don't see a broken bone actually hanging out of your arm.) Unless they have "been there/done that," be it with themselves or a family member or friend, it is difficult for people who dont have this illness to understand what you are going through when you look fine on the outside.

Hope this helps you some.

 Reply posted for innuendogirl.

I feel for you, but it is going to be okay.  I don't know if I can even help, but I can totally understand your dilemma.  I was diagnosed 10 years ago while in grad school and had just gotten married.  Granted, we were already married when I had my first episode, but it was bad.  I had anal fissures and felt like I was pooping acid.  So, so sick.  I personally haven't had anything go wrong during intimacy.  I know it's a scary thought, especially with someone new, but you know how in certain happy, exciting moments you totally forget you feel bad?  Well, I'm pretty sure this qualifies.