Community Forum

I just got diagnosed with Crohns and am also recently divorced after 8 years & 3 kids.  I'm just wondering how everyone deals with dating with Crohns.  Right now I don't eat anything if I'm going to be hanging out with a guy.  I'm also really worried because I haven't had sex since getting Crohns and I don't know how it's going to affect things.. if you know what I mean.  I don't think I could relax and enjoy it because I'd be worried the whole time about incontinence or flatulence or something.  I guess I'm just worried that sex might trigger a flare up.  I'm wondering what other peoples' experience with that is.

 Reply posted for IndeaSkye35.

I actually broke up with my boyfriend for a while.  I started getting sick and his family was all about going out to eat regardless of how I felt.  Then his mother was all about what I should do, she even discussed it with a neighbor in her over 55 community.  (Dysfunctional Jewish mother syndrome).  I didn't even know what was wrong yet.  Plus, how embarrassing, not to mention insensitive.
  I finally went to the GI doctor and got the colitis diagnosis.  Things have been some but not completely better with the medication.  It seems like I always have some discomfort except when I don't eat.
 We recently got back together a year later, but I am still kind of sick and not that interested in sex.  I am tired all the time.  I get home from work and I am done.  I started light exercise with an exercise bike.
Add to that I need to have a surgery to remove a lot of large hemorrhoids that have formed over the years.  It doesn't make you feel too sexy.  Also the flatulence and the weird stomach noises.   If we go out, I can't decide what is okay to eat at a restaurant as I feel I am just learning what sets me off.  Something bad can knock me out for 3 days.
All I can say is I hope he is patient with me.  I hope I don't have to tell his mom to take a flying leap, that wouldn't be nice.

 Reply posted for cboz22.

As a woman, just thought you should be aware of a few women's issues.  Men can carry the human papilloma virus (HPV) and not even be aware that they are carriers as most don't show any symptoms.  If your immune system is compromised due to being on Remicade, Humira, etc, you may pick up the virus unwittingly and it can cause you a lot of problems when you have your PAP smear - abnormal cells, etc.  Your immune system won't be able to fight it off.  A healthy person's immune system fights off most of these HPVs, but those of us with shut-down immune systems need to be aware of this.  It is a real pain and can be quite upsetting.  Be very careful - it is no fun!

 Reply posted for cboz22.

I was also diagnosed in the past year (September 2011) but have been living with the symptoms of Crohn's for several years though never as bad as for the past 2.  I just recently started dating a guy about a month ago and told him on our 3rd date about the Crohn's.... Not only do I not want to seem dishonest by not saying something, its kind of hard to hide when you take 24 pills a day and have bruises on your thighs from your biweekly Humira shot! Anyway, I always take a lomotil or an Immodium before a date.  The last thing I want is to spend 45 minutes in the bathroom on a date.  It is hard to date with Crohn's, but eventually you find someone who is accepting and understanding.  This guy googled it so he could know what my restrictions are!  And it turns out he has gout and also has dietary restrictions.... None of us our perfect, you just have to find someone who doesn't think they are ;)

 Reply posted for cboz22.

I was dating my wife before I got sick and it was an every day occurance for us. Now its more of a once every few weeks. For me it has been rough because im just tired all the time and have no motivation. I have had to stop a few times while on top to go to the bathroom but she's never had a problem with that. I do have a problem being on bottom since my stomach is being pushed on or bouncing around a bit.  I have learned that if I dont think about going to the bathroom I wont go. 

Hope I helped. 

Oh and yes when were in the zone it doesnt really matter what you do we wont pay attention. 

 Reply posted for cboz22.

I agree with everything everyone has posted here, and thank all of you for sharing your wisdom on this subject.  I am a bit hesitant, about sex still (I was just diagnosed with Crohn's on 5/2/11)  even though I've been married to my husband for 6 years and we have a great relationship.  I've farted before during sex, I'm chubby from all of my meds, and he's smelled my  "deadly" farts many times.  And yes, I find it embarrassing, and I have explained that to him.  He says he loves me and doesn't care.  He still finds me very attractive, or he wouldn't keep coming on to me, he says.  Now I just have to feel comfortable with myself!  I think that is that hardest part!  Good luck in you new dating life.  I hope it goes well and you find someone truly wonderful.

 Reply posted for cboz22.

indeed a very touchy subject. i still get embarassed and insecure, but then i just remind myself to just laugh it off and make light of the situation. i could tell you many stories about embarassing moments! i thank God everyday for having a boyfriend that won't let me get down about it and constantly makes me laugh!  and we met yrs after i was diagnosed. oh, and i have had crohn's for over 15 yrs. i won't lie, it does get very frustrating and i have been to the point that i feel like a total freak, but then i remind myself that it could be worse and there are people out there with much bigger problems than mine. i really wish the best for you, but don't worry, you will find someone that you feel comfortable with that will love you for you. don't focus on the negative. best wishes n good luck :)

 Reply posted for IndeaSkye35.

this is such a touchy subject.  Remember a lot of intimacy is how they make you feel, and how you feel when you're with them.  The best thing to do is be honest about it, so they know that if they say something that they may think is not really harmful, it may be harmful to you, because having Crohn's is a big part of your life.  If he is sweet about it, he may be a keeper!  If he is not sweet about it, remember, he doesn't really know where you're coming from.  He doesn't live in your skin, and isn't trying to hurt you.  How would you take the comment if you didn't have Crohn's?  Remember, ours is a virtually hidden disease.  Even my mother forgets that I'm different from her in the way I eat and go to the bathroom.  She was a teacher and a very hard worker.  She is a strong Christian woman.  But she is still rude to me when it comes to that subject.  Even though she has been the one by my bedside countless times, she still has trouble understanding and accepting my conditions.      Miss Sewitall

 Reply posted for cboz22.

I've been in relationships even with my Crohn's.  And if you find a man who's supportive, the sex helps. Sex is a stress and pain reliever. It floods your body with 'feel good' hormones. When that happens, Crohn's will be the farthest thing in your mind, which will help. Just relish in it. It does help the symptoms greatly.  Of course, safe sex will be better sex.  Don't worry about flatulence. Do you think guys care about that when they're in 'the zone'?  Besides, guys do it and think nothing of it. Lomotil works great.  If you take them, take them about 30 minutes to an hour before eating.  I find that not eating actually makes me have more 'gas' and looser stools.  Eat something with substance.  Some foods actually slow down the digestive process.  I'd stay away from greasy, processed foods and dairy, if that bothers your symptoms, and carbonated beverages. Alcohol will make gas worse. Mix a little fiber supplement in a healthy smoothie or even water. Giving your stools bulk makes a world of difference.  If you still feel that you're not up to dating yet but still need a stress reliever, walking helps, listening to good music, meditation, talking with supportive family or friends, etc.  My now ex boyfriend knew I had Crohn's but still loved having 'play time'.  Believe me, men are wired for sex differently than women. If they're in that moment, they can't think of anything else, especially any imperfections that you might think you have.  Trust yourself. You'll know what to do.