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Hi. This is my first time reaching out to a community that would understand my feelings. I am in my late 20's and I am going back to school for my PharmD. I have a house to take care of and a husband as well (He was just diagnosed with degenerative disc disease and will be getting back surgery soon).

Lately I have been having a hard time lately with keeping up my self-esteem because I am fatigued and my body just seems to have this dull pain all over all the time. I am tired of sitting in a messy house, taking care of myself and keeping up with my academic responsibilities. It makes focusing on class and exams hard. I used to have great grades, but now I am feeling inadequate since my memory does not seem to be as sharp! I feel so angry sometimes because I know I could do better. It is a very competitive atmosphere and I have been withdrawing and feeling, for lack of other words, stupid.

I was also told by a peer that "I used to be the 'coolest girl' and now I am in the corner with little friends". This juvenile statement does not bother me because I am not in junior high, but it does bother me because it means that my emotional state is noticeable. I was diagnosed over 10 years ago and I STILL don't seem to fully accept this fact. I don't feel like having Crohn's disease is a disadvantage, but when it severely affects my life, I seem to retreat and feel sorry for myself. 

Please, any advice would be greatly appreciated!

-"Donnatella"

Diagnosed 2000 with Crohn's disease
Humira
Mercaptourine (6MP)
Various vitamins 
Depression meds (do not contribute to the "crohn's fatigue") - seeing a counselor

@McAnderson

I was reading your reply to Donatella.  I agree with exercise.  I also need to wear suspenders now too.  When people notice them and laugh, I keep it light by asking them, "What's wrong with Floaty pants?"  It usually makes them laugh, especially if I grab them from under my shirt and do a little dance. Anyway, a lot of posts here have been bringing me down, but the suspenders talk made me laugh out loud and I wanted to share.

@Donatella

All the negatives really add up when you sit and think about your condition. I have UC, and lately, I've been feeling kind of beat down too.  To keep positive, I know I need to keep a few things in mind.... My attitude will not change my condition.  Stop to enjoy the little things (I bet your husband always leaves the seat down so you can make an emergency landing on the toilet if you need to.. my girlfriend always leaves the runway clear)  Knowing that I'm being successful at work AND battling flare-ups that would cripple someone without our disease makes me feel like my will power is stronger than anyones.  Upbeat music helps. Avoid moping.

Take care!!



Gabe

 Reply posted for Donnatella.

I think we all go through the periods in our disease where we just want to back away from everyone and be left alone. However since it has been 12 years since you were diagnosed it seems to me that you are allowing the disease to control your life and define who you are.
 
Without knowing your 12 year case history it appears that you expect the medication to do all the work and give you some magical cure. The medications will certainly do their job but you also have to be willing to do some work also. As long as you let the disease control and define you, you will always have problems.
 
I have had Crohn’s for 14 years and been in remission for 12 years. I went through a period of time (my first two years) feeling sorry for myself, being depressed and withdrawing from everyone close to me. I then decided that I would not allow the disease to control me, that I would take control of it.
 
That is the key to this whole situation, you must take control and everything else will fall into place.

 Reply posted for Donnatella.

I've been diagnosed for less than 4 yrs and am also in my late 20s. I go through isolation periods.  There are times when I just don't want to see or talk to anyone.

Fatigue is always a problem.  Especially the day after my Humira shot and the 6 MP doesn't help. I try to give myself a pass on the day after my shot. I having a plan every day, helps. I try to make realistic goals for myself, if I'm feeling bad, I do less. Getting 8 hrs of sleep, eating healthy and working out is the BEST thing you can do for yourself.  It will help you manage your symptoms and fatigue. This needs to be your top priority! 

As for the social aspect, once I was diagnosed my social circle shrunk a lot.  People I was casual acquaintances with fell by the way side because I didn't want them to know and in the beginning I was being hospitalized so much it was hard to hide what was going on.  Then  I had surgery and things went wrong.  I was on disability for three months and I had a drain in my side, wasn't allowed more than a sip of water an hour, fed through a pic line in my arm.  That made me isolate myself even more.  I wouldn't pick up my phone or return emails or text message.  This is a BAD HABIT. You need to force yourself to keep contact with people.

Really focus on nurturing the friendships you have with the people you feel comfortable being completely honest with.  I have a hand full of friends who I can talk about ANYTHING with.  Including my awful symptoms and that really helps. Therapy or a support group may also help considering you also have the stress of your spouse being unwell.  Also, you have to be able to joke about your situation now and then.  I know you won't be able to all the time, but laughing and joking around about my symptoms with my friends and husband helps alot ! 

Good luck with everything!

It's a big change, but the first thing you need to realize is that you haven't changed, only diagnosed.  Not is the time in your life you can understand what is going on with your body.  There is nothing shameful about being depressed.  It happens to everybody!  If you have medical insurance, go talk to a therapist.  Can't hurt!  It only shows your humanity.  You are a human being.  Accept it and move on.

Some of the things seems counterintuitive.  The best thing I did was to exercise.  Not just the calm walk down the street.  I am talking getting your heart rate above 110 for at least thirty minutes twice a week.  Only on your better days,of course, but for each time you exercise, you feel a little better and then the next time a little better until you reach a point where you are back to knowing how much you need to exercise.

I have changed how I dress.  For instance on days I have to wear pants, I go with suspenders.  Yes, I know, I winced the first time someone said that to me, but it helps me. I cannot take the constriction around my waist.

If you have a job, keep it and if not, try and get one.   If you were to have an honest conservation with the people in the workplace, they are more concerned with how you do your job rather then how many restroom breaks you need for how long.  If they do,  they are the ones that need to graduate from elementary school.

When you have reached the part where you are feeling half decent, remember what it is that you want to do with your life.  Find your passion again whether it is singling badly in the church choir or being an interior designer or a culinary chef.  Take baby steps if you need to.  Go to night school (that's what I did).

Good Luck!