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Mixed Emotions.

Tue, September 29, 2015 3:53 PM

Hi... I was diagnosed April 28th, 2015 with moderate to severe Crohns disease. I recently turned 16 on September 1st and I'm a junior in high school experiencing her first year of school with this disease. School started on the 8th and I've noticed some emotional problems with myself.
I'm just gonna be upfront. Before my diagnosis, I was misdiagnosed A LOT. I kept losing weight and rejecting nutrients for over half of my sophomore school year and almost died. I ended up missing exam week and having to get the school board to exempt me from all of them so I could have surgery without it being a problem.
Let me get to the point....
I'm usually one of those students who cares about their overall education. Like I'd let myself miss taking an important medication or something just so I could do homework or something. I usually am very passionate about my school work. Now, it's like I don't care. I don't procrastinate. Now I am. And I'm hardly getting by. I've been winging every class and somehow getting away with it. I look at schoolwork and think it's pointless, like it's stupid. I just feel some sort of anger boiling inside of me, especially when my parents single me out from the rest of the world just because of the disease.
I tried talking to someone. When I talked to them, I was chill. When I was out of the room and she was gone, I felt like my hands were on fire and I felt violence actions trying to escape me.
The only thing I actually make an effort with is my writing, especially in my Creative Writing class.
I just wish I could let this anger out without causing harm of any sorts. I feel like all the fire I had in me the previous year just died out once I felt like I could stop fighting for my life. I mean, sometimes I still wonder why or even how I'm not dead.
Please help?

nadimey
Joined May 22, 2015

Sun, October 04, 2015 11:11 AM

Reply posted for ria75.

Ria, thank you so much for your response! Ironically, a few days after you posted, a crohnie tracked me down and I met more people through him. And what you said has made me feel a lot better. I guess I gotta accept the fact that I'm not the same person I used to be and leave it at that. Hopefully my parents can accept it too. They probably won't.....knowing them but I guess I'll just have to get used to the usual "You can do better!" Again, thanks so much. And if you would like to stay in contact, check out my facebook page for my writing career: Nadi Mey or facebook.com/nadimeywritings

nadimey
Joined May 22, 2015

Wed, September 30, 2015 8:55 PM

Reply posted for nadimey.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way- Crohn's can really mess with your emotions sometimes! It's also really hard when no one around you can relate to what you're going through. I'm not sure who you tried talking to, but have you thought about trying to find someone to talk to who has Crohn's disease too? Maybe that would be a good starting point for you to let off some steam with someone who has been through the same thing, and maybe also get some ideas for how they managed the same kinds of issues. CCFA has a great program called Power of 2, and they will connect you with someone you can talk with over the phone, Skype or email.

It's great that you have something in school that you love with creative writing. One thing I learned with Crohn's is that sometimes you just have to not be so hard on yourself and hold yourself to the way you used to be or think. So if you're just winging it in the rest of your classes, don't beat yourself up over it, but try and focus on the one thing you enjoy and use that to help you find an escape from those feelings. Have you thought about doing something special outside of school, like even writing your own book?

Hang in there! It's ok to feel angry and frustrated, but don't let that keep you from the amazing life you have in front of you.