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Does anyone out there feel guilty for being ill with crohn's, for missing work or for avoiding certain situations due to the illness?  I cannot seem to shake the guilt...any suggestions?

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

Guilt doesn't even begin to describe how I've been feeling lately.  Had j-pouch surgery over 10 years ago and am now dealing with a fistula that hasn't healed - even after two surgeries in the past six months, and have two more surgeries coming up in the next few months.  I am missing work, missing friend's birthdays, missing dinner with friends and missing a lot of the fun things i used to do.  My boyfriend has been great but I can tell his patience is wearing thin as is the patience of many of my friends.  I cancel plans at least 90% of the time because I end up not feeling well or not feeling comfortable enough to leave my house.  Am pretty sure I'd be sick of someone who cancelled on me all the time so am not blaming them, but am clueless as to how to make everyone understand how truly awful colitis is.

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

I have fealt guilty for the past (almost) 9 years. Hi my name is Angie, i am new to this. I got this website from a guy named chris while i was at the hospital having my Remicade treatment. I am so happy that i found a place that i can go to talk about what or how I am feeling. But back to the discussion at hand, Ever since i had my daughter i have fealt nothing but guilt. Guilt that she has a 50-50 chance of getting this horible disease, she has had the early signs of it since birth. She was born with a fistula,but so far has not had anything else show up,(knock on wood). I feel guilty when she says "Mommy do you want to go outside and play with me?" and i have to say i'm really sorry but mommy's belly really hurts today. My daughter is my life and not getting to spend as much time as possible with her makes me feel like a bad parent. I can't go and do all the things that moms are suppose to do! It really ticks me off. Or if i end up in the hospital and can't take care of her. I really do feel guilty. I know exactly how you feel.

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

Hi.  I am so glad I went on the web site today.  I mostly feel guilty about my family and missing out on things.  I woke up today, went for a run, got a coffee, came home and had diarrhea!!  I am so ticked off!!  My husband asked me if I was okay and then asked me if I'll be okay to go to the beach!?  I know he meant well but ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  I haven't missed that much work and I actually can't believe I haven't.  But when I do miss work I do feel guilty because I'm leaving a sub with 30 children in the class.  My two girls are 4 and 6 and they've been great, well as great as they can be and I know it's hard for them to understand when they're going to the park or Friendly's and I just can't do it.  Hang in there and keep posting!  Sorry if it was too much information but thanks!

ngc

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

I do feel guilty about missing work But you know what, we did not ask for this so it is not our fault and if the your coworkers do not understand or want to understand then they arent worth it. I don't speak with half of the girls here at my job because they have been nasty about the fact that i'v been sent home cause i'm sick. People like that do not deserve your time. Do not feel guilty anymore!! It is not your fault!      

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

I think we all feel that well during this disease.  I know for me it's my kids and my husband.  I feel awful when I have to tell my children or my grandchildren now.....Nana has a sore tummy.  Nana is sick.  My adult children are very supportive but I worry about them always seeing me ill.  My husband is great....but he can't always be there  and he can't fix me.

My biggest fear as far as guilt goes.....is I would never wish this disease on any of my children or their children.  I was diagnosed at 45 and had always been what I considered a very healthy active Mom - so it's hard for my family to see me this way.....and I feel bad  that they have to.

Just remember.....we didn't ask for this disease - it is not our fault.  We just have to do the best we can in spite of it and make the good days the best. 

Take care

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

Yeah I feel very guilty even though my boss has been fantastic and I have FMLA paperwork filed.  I have been in my job for less than 2 years and have missed probably 6 weeks or more of work since September.  In my old job I was there for almost 12 years and maybe missed 5 days due to illness.  It really sucks going from perfectly healthy to a medical mess in less than a year.  I have UC and just about everything that can go with it ... liver disease, blood clots, long flares.  I jumped right to Remicade medication because the last flare hospitalized me for 3 weeks and I don't want to do that again ... plus I can't afford to be off that long.

Gina

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

At first I did, I felt like my job felt as if I just didn't want to work.  But it wasn't the case, I simply could not.  It took me quite a few months to adjust, but I finding grasped the concept that my pain and disease is more important then my job.  I filed for FMLA and once in place, I used it when needed.  I continue on with it, even though I'm in remission, because of all the doctor appointments.  I see outside of my regular doctor, a urologist, GI doc, rheumatalogist, orthopedic surgeon, and chiropractor - all due to the Crohn's.  If I didn't have FMLA, I would most likely be out of a job. 

Don't let this get to you.  Know that you are not the only one struggling, and boy do we know about that struggle!  You will get to a better place, that I know.  There is a light at the end of the tunnel, just takes some faith, hope and good diet to get you back on track. 

Keep us posted on how you are doing. 

 Reply posted for crohns2006.

Yes, I feel guilty.  I feel guilty about all the times my kids suffered while I was "under the weather".  I feel guilty about the fear they have experienced recently with the knowledge that their mommy almost died from malnutrition.  I feel guilty for all the times the love of my life has taken over and given his all to keeping me as healthy as possible. The list goes on.  I am getting over the guilt.  I had to come to some personal realizations.  First, we did not ask for this disease.  We can do everything we can to keep it under control but sometimes our best efforts fail.  Tis the nature of the disease.  Second, during remission periods, I am the best mommy and the best girlfriend on this earth .  (By the way, my kids are young adults now.)  Third, acceptance- mine of the disease and theirs-of my limitations at times.  I pray alot and I find solace in the Bible. I force myself to get out and enjoy life.  I work as hard as I can and play as freely as I can.  You will find your key to unlocking the "guilt cage".  Tell the people involved that you feel guilty.  You will be suprised at their response.  Hugs!

Breezy