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After my CD diagnosis I crawled into bed and had the poor me attitude.  After a few days I got out of bed and said this will not beat me. I will not let it ruin my life.  After 11 years of active disease with one year of remission, I am now in the middle of a flare. My GI wants to do another scope to monitor the disease.  This will be my 6th in 11 years.  I am now slowly loosing my determination that has gotten me through this disease for so many years. Basically I am sick of being sick. I am sick of being in pain. After a long, high dose of prednisone, I have gained weight and morphed into someone I don't recognize.  I don't know how to get that determination back.

 Reply posted for cathyt.

I hope that on this day in August you are feeling better.  I'm Aleia's mom, I dont get to much time on her computer, lol, but this is one of those moments.  I'm going to pray for you tonight, and keep you in my prayers.  My daughter was just diagnosed with ulceritive colitis.  Neither one of us really know about this, she knows nothing and I know little.  She is still in her first flare up, two months now, and has lost so much weight.  Just had so many ulcers in her mouth but they are getting better.  I want you to be strong and never give up.  I thought Aleia would get better right away and this be done with, but sadly I am learning that this is life long and I'm not sure what to do.  You are strong and I can read that in your words.  Lean on Him, give it up to Him and be strong.  Stay well.

 Reply posted for cathyt.

Hey there.  Been at that losing my determination place many times.  Are you keeping a journal? it can be cathartic!  Have you considered antidepressants?  Are you working with a counselor?  If not, YOU SHOULD!  This is a chronic illness, and we need lots of extra tools to cope. 

To those in your support network that can handle full disclosure, be honest about what you are experiencing and feeling.  keeping things from everyone starts to build a wall inside you that is stressful and we know what stress does to IBD!  

Consider doing some things that your body can handle that feel good to you.  I have used reflexology, massage, accupuncture, chiropractic to help keep me feeling great emotionally even when my body is tanking. 
Remember that you love, are loved, and are worthy of love.  And you deserve a better quality of life.  And go fight for it!
Best wishes and lots of love

 Reply posted for cathyt.

Hi Cathy,
I hope you are starting to feel better.  I am going through this right now, too.  I was just diagnosed about 6 weeks ago, and it seems like the more time passes, the more depressed I become.  I have had many symptoms of this disease for at least 13 years, but doctors could never figure out what was wrong.  I figured that through my struggle they would eventually figure it out, and then they could treat me and I'd be fine again.  Now I know there is no end in sight.  There is remission, yes, but all of this unpredictability is getting to me.  I can't eat too many different foods yet, and I'm trying an elimination diet.  I am getting over (I hope) a severe flair that finally led to my diagnosis.  I was put on Remicade, which apparently has a very good reputation.  I hope it works for me!  And I really hope your treatment works for you.  It sure sounds like you have been through a LOT.  I'm sorry to hear that.  I hope you're feeling better fast, and that you have the strength to make it through this tough time.

 Reply posted for cathyt.

My husband heard me asking, "Why me? Why this?"

His reply was simple but true:

"Only someone with your inner strength could handle something like this. The rest of us would fall like flies."

Remember that we all have the inner strength that he is talking about. That's why we can handle this. Plus we have eachother and our families that boost us with THEIR strength! Hang in there. You are strong!!

 Reply posted for cathyt.

Good morning Cathy,

I can totally relate.  I have no wonderful words of wisdom.  I think it says a lot that you are a role model to your sister.  You have what it takes. The determination is just momentarily buried.  One day it will creep back into your life.  It took determination 6 months to find me again.  It is a process and it is okay to go thru the process.  Rest up and pamper yourself right now.  Determination will return in full battle uniform.

Hugs,

Wendy