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Worst Wife in the World

Tue, May 26, 2015 6:24 PM

My husband was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis in 2001. In 2012 the flare ups got so bad that they removed his colon and gave him an iliostomy. After that healed he had the J-Pouch surgery with an iliostomy reversal. Unfortunately, the J-Pouch was not a good solution for him. At the beginning of April 2015, we ended up in the ER - he was having pain and it turned out that his intestine had a hole and was leaking into his belly.

The doctors reversed the J-Pouch and he has an iliostomy again. My husband is understandably frustrated with his body and all of the failed surgeries. I can't begin to imagine what it must be like to have to deal with this terrible and painful disease. Although I am trying my best to be supportive, it is difficult and frustrating for me. My husband does not have a good diet - he eats lots of junk food, candy, sodas, etc. He also eats too much and he is overweight. He doesn't take his medications as diligently as he should and doesn't exercise. Maybe a good diet and exercise wouldn't make things better but his current diet sure isn't helping.

He complains a lot but doesn't take any action. He is angry at the state that his body is in and uses this as an excuse for everything and anything that he doesn't want to do. I find that I am losing respect for him - not because he has a pouch but because he seems to want to hold on to this disease as a crutch. If I support him in the way he wants to be supported (being okay with him eating whatever he wants, not taking his meds, not exercising, etc.) then I feel like I am enabling him. What is wrong with me? I don't want to keep pulling away but I also don't like dealing with his negative attitude. What can I do? I love him and want him to do everything possible to minimize his symptoms but I have no control. Any feedback is appreciated.

teddyfuzz
Joined May 26, 2015

Wed, July 15, 2015 12:32 AM

Reply posted for administrator.

Hi, I can understand your frustration. My wife has ulcerative colitis. It can be difficult when you feel that your partner isn't trying to better themselves. I am looking for ways to help, but it can be exhausting.

bigboi7772
Joined Jul 15, 2015

Thu, May 28, 2015 11:02 AM

Reply posted for teddyfuzz.

Hi Teddyfuzz,
You are not alone.   Check out some of the resources below for support.

The Caregiver Space says…. “We understand that sharing honestly with other caregivers helps us let go of guilt, stress, anger and fear”.   Check out www.thecaregiverspace.org

Lotsa Helping Hands is a resource that can connect you with volunteers to help you and your family check out: http://www.ccfa.org/resources/lotsa-hands.html

Other caregiver resources include
www.caregiver.com
Family Caregiver Alliance www.caregiver.org

Finally, check out CCFA support groups in your area at: http://www.ccfa.org/chapters/local-chapters-index-page.html?chapter=334310393 .   Support groups can be for patients, family members and caregivers.   At support groups you can talk with other caregivers for support and advice.

administrator
Joined Oct 12, 2017

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