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I feel so guilty for not breastfeeding my child six years ago.  I had UC for one year when I got pregnant.  I was so worried about what my disease and the meds (was on large dose of Asacol 4 tablets 3 times a day) would do to the baby.  When I check about the possiblilty of breastfeeding the doctors would just tell me that the meds would be present in the breast milk but they felt it would be fine.  None of them really checked into it, they just answered blindly.  Then I checked with the lactation consultant at the hospital and she checked on my meds and told me in her book it was listed as "moderately safe".  The description said there were no controlled studies and drugs should only be given if the potential benefit justifies the potential risk to the infant.

A few months prior, a different, unrelated drug was pulled off the market because they found out it was doing major harm.  This was a FDA approved drug and the message from the lactation specialist and that other drug that was in the news was enough to make my hubby and I decide that we just coudn't trust if the drug would be harmful or not, so I did not breastfeed. 

I ended up having depression about this after the baby was born and it was too late to nurse anymore.  To this day I still feel guilty for not breastfeeding my child.  To top it off, I ended up getting breast cancer when my baby was 15 months old.   I wish I could say that I did the best for my child, but I'm just not sure.  Now everything I run across states that it's ok to nurse while on the meds.  I wish I could go back in time and do it over.  I feel like I didn't not protect my baby from future diseases because he didn't get any protection from me since I did not nurse him. 

 Reply posted for samon42.

As a pediatrician, I can tell you that in Kindergarten round-ups (or anytime else), you can't go through and point to children and categorize them as breast-fed, bottle-fed, or both.  Please don't continue to make this an issue for yourself!  It's hard enough to be a parent as it is!

 Reply posted for samon42.

STOP beating yourself up!  You made the decision that you felt best with at the time.  I also did not breastfeed - mostly because I was at a high risk for PPD but also because I just didn't want to. I know my limits and honestly I did not think I could handle it. I had a horrible C-section and thankfully we did bottlefeed because I was flat on my butt for 5 weeks afterwards!    I would have made the same choice you did -- at the time there was not as much research on Asacol and other meds so you made an informed choice.  Are you regretful for not breastfeeding because you don't think you were the best mother you could be or because you feel guilty for taking care of yourself?  Or some other reason that I am missing?  Either way, you can't undo the past so please ease up on yourself and your guilt.  You have been through A LOT more than most people and you need to give yourself credit for what you have done, not what could've been.  I'm so sorry to hear about the breast cancer. I hope you are doing better now......  Hang in there!!

 Reply posted for samon42.

I think you did the right thing with the information you had at the time.  You should not feel guilty about this.  I breastfed both my sons for a year each and my older son had a ton of ear infections, allergies, and eczema.  My younger son was just diagnosed with Crohn's disease.  You just never know.  You have to do the best you can at the time and hope for the best possible outcome.  I wish I could go back and not worry so much about having a "sterile" environment.  Now that I'm learning more and more about autoimmune disorders, it's important to let our immune systems build naturally. 

 Reply posted for samon42.

Other than psychologically bonding with your infant... breast feeding really only provides an infant with a basic immune system during the first few months of life against bacteria and viruses the baby has not been exposed to yet.. but that the mother has. After this time, through the processes of life (playing in the dirt, putting everything in their mouths, and playing with other children) the baby develops their own immune system normally.

 While you might feel guilt about not breast feeding believe me there is no long term negative effects for not breast feeding your baby. And honestly with the information (or lack there of) at the time you played it safe... believe me its better to regret not breastfeeding your baby (and the baby having no ill effects from it) then there is from breast feeding and then finding out years later it wasnt safe to do so and your baby now has some health condition. Always better to play it safe.